on dee's decision on applying to RMIT.

it's been a really busy week for me because not only are we not done with work, but more importantly last week was supposed to be the end of my two-week stint. progress of the first presentation paper is at a standstill as Boss Lady has some thoughts to work out, so we've moved onto the more urgent presentation for an upcoming ICOMOS conference. the latter is actually scheduled sometime this week, so that explains the rush. all in all, my employment is now likely to extend itself into the following two weeks.

don't take this the wrong way, i'm not really complaining, because i'm a slut to the sight of money (and cute boys, but that's a whole different story), but i do miss spending time reading and, most recently, writing on this blog. so much so that i now have an ever-growing To-Blog list on the computer table, as a constant reminder of the many things i wish to discuss/ clarify. not to mention, i am really looking forward to getting hands-on with the competition and, maybe--just maybe--for the first and probably not last time in my life, get that fully completed and submitted ahead of time.

'_'

is that any demanding of me?

(back to work, or more so occurrences at work.)

above's the screen-cap for the splash slide to a presentation i'm working on. Boss Lady will be leaving come thursday for the overseas conference, so work on the presentation is at a slightly more accelerated pace (read: i should so be working on that than writing here). in her office yesterday, while i was working on the presentation as she searched for notes through her textual treasure trove, without looking up Boss suddenly asked--as if very puzzled, or plainly worried™, "d, why are you going to RMIT ah?"

me, even more confused, "erm... to study!?!?"

now turning to me, and sitting down in front of me, Boss goes, "oh yeah, i know that. what i meant was, why are you going to RMIT? no doubt it's the best school in australia [her words, not mine]; if you went to melbourne [meaning unimel] or sydney or UNSW, then i'd really not encourage. but i'm just wondering why you want to head for australia instead of better schools elsewhere. i mean, if you want to go, you should really go all the way since you're already spending so much money."

so began our talk lasting forty-five minute. during which, we exchanged some facts:

from my end

• RMIT is my last choice, after--in this very order--GSAPP and AA,
• i chose to rank GSAPP over AA because my eventual point was to do a PhD at Princeton, so i thought GSAPP would be a good platform from which to depart. not only was it a good design school, but it was also very entrenched in the study of history and postmodern theory,
• my application was completed and ready to be sent to AA, but it never left my house because my mother said, "i really wouldn't want you to be disappointed later on if you got in but i couldn't afford.",
• hence realising that my parents are not sure they can support my education at GSAPP, therefore neither can they be sure of supporting me for three years of AA (taking into the account that i might need to repeat RIBA 1),
• in the middle of the semester, i applied but didn't complete my application for a URA scholarship -- figured i wouldn't get it anyway,
• much later after the URA hiccup, but quite recently to where we are today, i was going to apply for the DesignSingapore scholarship out of sheer desperation -- the deadline was over, but again not that i think i'd get it.

from her end

• she's has no idea what the economic difference is between studying at Columbia, AA and RMIT,
• she's entirely sure that RMIT is not a better school, but a different place for "the exposure" [granted i think so too],
• i was put up for level review at the end of year 2 sem 1, because of my deathly incomplete ridge kuber_ars -- i'm not sure if that was my first level review though,
• Boss Lady seems to think that i am a "good student", though i really think she means others like me who are leaving nus for other schools,
• we did really well for the RIBA review,
• she's convinced that aki@nus is not only desperately trying to improve itself but also truly achieving its goal.

we had gone through some of this dicussion before, Boss Lady and I. i had convinced her earlier that i was leaving school because of the exposure, which only lately has been true -- i had to convince myself too that exposure only is just as good a reason to go to RMIT. after yesterday's conversation, she has somewhat stirred some unsettling sentiments in me, enough to wonder if i should indeed rethink my options. granted she's convinced that AA is quite beyond my reach (apparently some good students from 1 year our senior didn't make it into AA), she now wishes i would actively seek ways to finance an education at Columbia.

now for another revelation: as thick-skinned as it sounds, i did think i'd give DesignSingapore's scholarship another go if their application window opens in time for me to get it without having to drop RMIT prematurely. DesignSingapore did tell me that the next available window is towards the end of the year, but i really don't have much time left to make one decision without jeopardising quite badly another option.

-sigh-

anyway, i'm really sick of people asking me why i'm headed for RMIT, and then telling me that the employability of the RMIT degree is not very good. i've always been a bit lost in my own world of ideas and experiments, and never been good at taking the path more trodden into designing things that are conventionally more buildable. it's not even the case of me being a rebel without a cause, more accurately it's my interest in finding new ways of living. i came into architecture seeking new possibilities of forms and spaces, and to always question the boxed space, because it never once made sense to me how we (as human beings) could at some point live in caves but now completely comfortable in rectilinear boxes; that was even a something i brought up at my interview for entry.

as it is, there's enough information and education for us to build rectilinear spaces. as most would have found out by now, building science modules hardly go very wild with their examples, and firms here aren't very adventurous at challenging the Buildable Design Appraisal System. i figured if there's anytime to explore alternative forms and space, it is while you are still in school. if well explored and experimented in schools, educational institutions could also use such experiments to actively lead the practice world into the possibilities of alternative designs, and not just through the students they send out into practice like what aki@nus is doing now.

similarly, because of its academic nature, it is important for me to a certan level contribute to our combined knowledge bank or academic discourse. i see no purpose in the regurgitating, posturing, or doing something someone's already done unless we're looking to forward/ advance it in some way to get something out of it. in academic terms, there is a thesis, and an accompanying motivation. without either of which, i practically cannot work. but perhaps the most marked difference between most most people and me is that i don't always demand to achieve anything out of these tests, at least not in terms of something as concrete as a complete design. there's a high level of failure in going the way i do, but why shouldn't it be difficult? why should it be easy? and why should failure be taken so badly when failing can only bring you closer to not failing, unless you go the exact same path again.

and if you're going to fail, there's no safer and better place to do it in life than in school.

that's one reason why amelia's current tutor remarked, when he went to visit AA recently, that he saw "no buildings" in their works. probably not nearly close to it, but to me it is that at some eventual point of rigorous questioning, we get subliminal and several times divorced from identifiable physical forms. here's what transpires in the introduction of AA Project Review 03/04:

The work of AA students is projective. It is, by definition, concerned with a set of propositions that are yet to come. In this respect, the manner and the calibre of the investigations are just as important as the manner and the form of their articulation, which many not always be fully realised. This type of partial addition is often the reality of contributions to any discourse.

so if you have actually researched your schools, and observed the works they produce, you'd know that RMIT is nowhere near, say, unimel or newcastle or what-have-you. granted it's no AA, but it's close enough in terms of belief and design focus. if RMIT's focus irks amany practitioners, would-be bosses -- to the extend of its graduates often having to look to fellow alumni for jobs, and even my compatriots, then so be it.

i hadn't come this far in life, talk myself out of art school, convince myself to enrol in a higher institution, do so many projects that are at risk of failing, quit the default university in singapore, and on top of it all, live the day-to-day of being a deviant/ social anomaly on so many levels just so that i'd listen to some two-bit minds and apply to another school that's going to bring me either conventional acceptance, the money, or an over-enthusiastic job offer at every firm i apply to.

i'm not wired like that. really, i'm not.

======
addendum: 11 0037 October 2005, Tuesday

reflecting on how things have been a long time, it only just occurred to me that it doesn't really matter where i end up at. there's a likelihood that i'd always be doing my little experiments anyway. it's really just a question of whether or not the particular environment which i'm in, stands a higher chance of being one that not only encourages but also helps me advance my explorations. therein lies the explanation for why i'm always only looking at some particular schools. i mean, i did give NUS a try, didn't i?