past weeks of mad rushing has left me quite exhausted. i couldn't wake up this morning at all until Boss Lady gave me a call at 1240hrs, upon which i had to drag myself out of the bed more than reluctantly. i haven't had a good sleep since the first assignment ended, because following which, it was always either more assignments coming in from Boss Lady or help rendered to submissions.
my eyes have sunk to a whole new level of deep, and the darkness around them puts me right up there with the pictures on Hello Panda packaging. yet there's no real rest that i can see in the horizon for there's an overdue paper still under KIV, one presentation for next week which i'm working on right now, and the on-going research on adaptive re-use. the worst thing is, i'm only growing more and more inefficient and ineffective with this ever-growing weariness.
on top of it all, there's so much shit to clear for Melbourne.
FUCK!
i wonder if it is just me, being way too accustomed to the sleeplessness that seemingly entails with this field of study. are we destined to lose out on sleep for the rest of our lives? it's little wonder why there're always so many people contemplating dropping out of architecture school during and immediately before and after submission time. the thought that this is the expected level of commitment to the cycle of revisions-after-revisions we should demand of ourselves poses much fright in many of us.
there're stories of people producing good work within manageable schedules (e.g. Wayang Face for those in the know), but these good tales are far and few between. somehow, the scars that we wear on our sleeves in terms of how many sleepless nights spent in front of the computer, the smell we wear from days without showering and other associated signs of vagabondage pervade in aki-speak; we compare ourselves to how much effort was put in our work. though most recently, at the crit of Studio Tenggara, it was brought up by their tutor that "effort doesn't mean quality".
the same sentiments conveyed to me by Qiaos two years ago, "[...] much time put in, but no work done."
no doubt it's inarguable that invested time need not necessarily result in anything, so maybe we should ignore the dark-eye rings, absenteeism for other classes, constant drooping of heads from fatigue, and focus only on what has been finally put up on our boards.
the rest don't matter.
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add: 24 1655 Nov 2005, Thursday.
just like to say that rest does matter (for those who didn't get the pun earlier, here's a clearer signal to you... hehehe... -lame-). feel greatly positive and re-energised now that i've got some sleep. go me! :)
p/s: Wabbit has finished his crit, so there's no more Wabbit in the wabbit-hole. -sad-
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
the rest don't matter.
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2 comments:
jane jacobs pointed out how come urban planners and architects hold steadfastedly to their academia values in the face of changing reality.
precisely becoz we invested hell lot of time doing it!
hehz dee u need to charge every hr u work to mali. i charged every single hr i worked for henggehkiangster even till 2am. but i stupid. too honest (and dumb) to cheat him of more money wahahaha.
these dudes cld afford us anyways its not everyday a mugger comes along to save their asses!
i am paid OT quite generously, so i won't ask for more. think the problem is in time management, or the lackthereof, as yaoks once said.
maybe the whole concept of "time management" is in itself deceitful; maybe it's but a convenient excuse to explain every failure or success ever garnered in our lives.
"did really well in your exams, must be good time management."
"fared badly for crit; must have been poor time management in production."
"had diarrhoea you say, i wager it's bad time management of your consumption and disgestive system."
"got AIDS? bad time management of when not to use a condom/ get a blood transfusion/ be born."
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